crumpled paper after a mistake

Conflict Mistakes

What do I do when I’ve “blown it?”

One of the questions I receive most often from my newsletter subscribers is what do I do when I’ve “blown it?”

As one good friend said: I forgot all the great ways I know to address a conflict. I reprimanded an employee by basically attacking her character. I did apologize, and, thankfully, she is not quitting. But things feel awkward, and I’m wondering if there’s something I can do to help the situation besides apologize.

Apologize

First, this person did just the right thing—she apologized, and she didn’t wait too long to do it. It’s important to remember that we all react occasionally in ways that we think better of later.

Once you apologize, give it time. Continue to center, breathe, smile, and treat the employee with respect.

In addition, hold the vision that with time your relationship will be back on the right track. Visualize how you want the relationship to look as you continue to work together, and begin acting on that vision in your daily communication.

Think of a physical wound

It takes time to heal. While it’s healing, you treat the wound gently, keep it clean, maybe smooth some cream on it to help the healing process.

It’s the same with healing a relationship

Keep your communication clean, gentle, and yet honest and direct. Say hello, how’s it going? Treat her as you would under normal circumstances, yet with the awareness of what did occur.  You don’t pretend the conflict never happened, but you don’t have to abase yourself either.

It’s only not up to us

Finally, remember that it’s not only up to you. You have a part in this, and so does she, you cannot do her part for her, you can only do yours. If you give the employee room, she will find her way back to the strong connection that once existed.

 

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lady crying over a problem

Problem Solving With Reality Therapy (Part 1 of 3)

Problem Solving

Reality Therapy is a counseling method that was developed by Dr. William Glasser in 1965. However, it is so much more than a counseling technique.

Reality Therapy is a problem solving method that works well with people who are experiencing problems they want help solving. As well as those who are having problems and appear to not want any assistance.

Reality Therapy also provides an excellent model for helping individuals solve their own problems objectively. It serves as the ideal questioning series during coaching sessions.

The key

The underlying key to Reality Therapy is the relationship that is established with the person who needs the help. This is most critical when you are attempting to help someone who doesn’t really want your help.

Like a non-voluntary client, a resistant student or your sometimes even your own child. Without a positive relationship, you have no influence. To your helpee, you sound similar to the way adults sound in the Peanuts cartoons. “Whaa, wha, whaa, whaa, whaa.”

Your helpee doesn’t hear you without the relationship. Gary Zucav says, “Relationship is the root of all influence.” This is certainly true. You can have all the knowledge in the world.

But if the person you are attempting to help doesn’t believe you care and have their best interests at heart, they, most likely, will not be listening to you.

So how do you build a relationship?

Reality Therapy provides a model by instructing helpers to create a need-satisfying environment. The five basic needs of all humans are survival; love and belonging; power; freedom and fun.

In a helping relationship, the helper must create an environment where it is possible for the person being helped to feel safe. Feel connected to the helper in some way. To be listened to and respected. To have some choices. And to have some fun or learning with the helper.

 

Continue reading:

Problem Solving With Reality Therapy (Part 2 of 3)

Living The Dream (Part 2 of 3)

Do not miss out the wonderfully crafted first part.

 

Continuation:

 

Work should be the motivation

Your work should be something that motivates you, gives you pleasure, provides something valuable to others and is in line with your definite purpose. If that doesn’t describe your work, you may want to take some time to reevaluate.

You may think you are too old to change careers now or to go out on your own. However, in ten, fifteen or twenty years you are still going to be the same age whether you invest in your own dream or not. So what’s stopping you?

Relationships

Now, let’s look at your relationships. What is the state of your current relationships with the important people in your life? I suppose I should start with the question: Do you have important people in your life?

Hopefully, the answer to that question is yes, but if not, there is help available. You can improve your relationship skills and learn to make new friends and develop those relationships to their fullest. Everyone needs to have human contact in order to survive.

Some of us have companionship but we are unhappy in these relationships. How can you live the dream when you feel miserable around the people who are suppose to support and encourage you?

Getting our relationships in order is a critical task that too many ignore. We look around us and see lots of other people in unhappy or mediocre relationships and we tell ourselves that is just the way it is. No one is truly happy. That is not true.

Creating healthy relationships is a matter of choice. You are not destined to be in a miserable relationship. Do you remember what it was like when you first got together? It was more than chemistry. There was something between you that made you know each other was special. You can regain that feeling.

Most of us never learn healthy relationship skills. We think it is something we are suppose to know how to do but how good were our teachers? Shouldn’t you learn relationship skills from someone who has strong relationships and who knows how to maintain them?

Every single one of us is entitled to live our dream

Living the dream is not just for a few select individuals. It is possible and we have a right to be happy and satisfied.

 

Continue reading the last part.

When Couples Are In Stressful Relationship

 

“A good marriage is one which allows for change and growth in the individuals and in the way they express their love.” – Pearl S. Buck

When two people get married, it means they are making a big commitment. It means they should stay with each other through sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, till death do them part.

Getting into a marriage relationship is the sign of the fullness of their deep romantic love for each other. Yet, their love for each other is tested in the course of time. First, there would be the adjustment period. All couples go through that. There is a saying that you only get to know the person if both of you are living under one roof.

The routine of everyday life brings unrealistic expectations. Marital disenchantment comes in and it is expressed shortly just after the honeymoon fever wears off. This is the time when imperfections can be seen.

Shortcomings can be blown out of proportions. Some eccentric behavior which you found “cute” before now becomes annoying. Aside from your own problems as a couple, you have to deal with in-law relationships, money matters, and certain conflicts which have become the cause of your stress and anxiety.

When negative emotions and actions take over, it becomes the perfect recipe for marriage disharmony. Unless you become aware of your own hurtful attitudes or actions, chances are, you won’t do something about it.

Marriage is accepting who that person really is. We only need to practice self-control and learn not to have so many expectations.

The following tips will show you how to bring back that “zest” in your married life:

TIPS ON PUTTING ROMANCE BACK TO YOUR MARRIAGE

1. UNDERSTANDING – We all need reassurance. Reinforce this by showing affection, a simple praise, hug or kiss will do. We should learn to communicate our feelings to our mate. Don’t be defensive. When you have a minor spat…say “I’m sorry.” and really mean it. The sooner you do this, the sooner your mate will stop resenting you.

2. LEARN TO ACCEPT- All marriages go through certain obstacles. The one that you married turns out not to be the “angel” that you envisioned or the “knight of shining armor.” Real love takes a lot of patience. So go beyond your illusions on what or how your mate should be. Rather, focus on yourself and start to make the necessary changes needed to improve who you are as a spouse.

3. MEET HALFWAY- In every situation, especially when you reach the point that you are angry, hurt, and frustrated — you have to learn how to meet halfway. In other words, you must know how to compromise or negotiate. No two human beings are exactly alike. So settle your differences and learn to forgive each other right away. Don’t let the sun go down on you without you and your mate finding the solution.

4. REKINDLE – How do you refresh and fix a troublesome marriage? Bring back the love and intimacy. Work on it. Work on your marriage. Like life….marriage is not a bed of roses. You have to work it out with your partner by investing time, love, money, and interest in each other. Bring back the closeness by being honest, non-argumentative, and non-judgmental. Being happy together brings good mental health as well as the physical.

Yes, you and your partner should be on top of everything, be in charge of keeping the romance alive and let your marriage blossom the way it was meant to be.

Whose Hands It’s In?

 

A basketball in my hands is worth about $25.
A basketball in LeBron James’
hands is worth about $34 million.
It depends whose hands it’s in.

A baseball in my hands is worth about $10.
A baseball in Mike Tout’s hands is worth $16 million.
It depends whose hands it’s in.

A tennis racket is useless in my hands.
A tennis racket in Serena Williams’
hands is a Championship Winning.
It depends whose hands it’s in.

A rod in my hands will keep away a wild animal.
A rod in Moses’ hands will part the mighty sea.
It depends whose hands it’s in.

A sling shot in my hands is a kid’s toy
A sling shot in David’s hand is a mighty weapon.
It depends whose hands it’s in.

Two fish and 5 loaves of bread in my
hands is a couple of fish sandwiches.
Two fish and 5 loaves of bread in
God’s hands will feed thousands.
It depends whose hands it’s in.

Nails in my hands might produce a birdhouse
Nails in Jesus Christ’s hands will
produce salvation for the entire world.
It depends whose hands it’s in.

As you see now it depends whose hands it’s in.
So put your concerns, your worries, your fears,
your hopes, your dreams, your families and your
relationships in God’s hands because…

It depends whose hands it’s in.

This message is now in your hands.
What will YOU do with it?