Tag: reality

Do You Have This Bad Habit? (Part 2 of 2)

Do you have this bad habit? Read the recent article to find out.

Do You Have This Bad Habit? (Part 1 of 2)

 

Continuation:

 

But focusing more on assigning blame than on how to deal with the problems is just a bad habit. It’s like a child screaming “I don’t want it this way!” thinking that complaints will change reality.

It isn’t very productive. You may notice in friends who find many things and people to blame in their lives.

Breaking A Bad Habit

Blame the person who chooses to be cruel to you. But you are also to blame if you choose to be abused repeatedly by spending time with this person. It’s a bit like sticking your hand in a fire repeatedly, hoping it will one day stop being hot.

Almost, I say, because a person CAN change. However, how often do they? Be realistic here, or you are fighting reality as surely as when you put your hand into a fire.

A person can wait for his “ship to come in,” or can face the fact that people create most of the “luck” they have in life. Then they start working toward his goals.

I can work for political change or just complain and wish things were different. You can watch people succeed, while talking about the “reasons” for your failures. You can see what they are doing to succeed and try that.

Sometimes we don’t want to see the truth. To really want to see it we may need to look at the futility of fighting reality. Who is more likely to find happiness in this world?

A man who demands it should be the way he wants it. Or one who accepts things as they are, changes what he can, and does what he needs to do? Who will more likely succeed? A man who knows all about how things “should be?” Or one who sees only what is there and deals with it?

Do you need motivation to change? Start watch complainers and blamers and those who say “should” and “shouldn’t” too often. Watch closely, and you’ll see how they suffer for their demands on reality.

This is a bad habit upon which many other bad habits are based, but it can be broken.

 

— end —

Advertisements

Do You Have This Bad Habit? (Part 1 of 2)

Bad Habit

All of us have to some extent

It’s likely that all of us have this bad habit to some extent. I nominate it for the title of the worst habit one can have.

What is it? Fighting reality rather than accepting and dealing with things the way they are. Here are some examples, and a few suggestions as to how to break this habit.

Are You Fighting Reality?

Fighting reality is a subtle habit. It expresses itself in everything from blaming others for our problems. Like getting angry at traffic, to wishful thinking. How do know when you are doing it? Watch for these clues.

Consider how rarely you complain, or are angry or annoyed because rocks are hard and water is wet. Your easy acceptance of the facts of nature is due to clearly seeing this is simply the way it is.

You have no ideas that rocks should be soft or water dry. In other areas of life, however, you probably do have ideas about how things “should be.”

This is the first clue that you may be “fighting reality.”

Of course you can work to make the world a better place. But you don’t need to deny or fight reality to do that. I once failed in business because I felt that there “shouldn’t be” regulations and complicated tax systems.

I used these ideas as excuses for not doing all that I had to do to succeed. Entrepreneurs may agree with that laissez-faire viewpoint. But successful ones also accept that things are how they are, and deal with it.

There is a great way to excuse ourselves from taking responsibility. One of the subtle ways of fighting reality, is to blame. Seeing the role that outside factors and other people play in our problems is honesty.

 

Continue reading:

Do You Have This Bad Habit? (Part 2 of 2)

Problem Solving With Reality Therapy (Part 1 of 3)

Problem Solving

Reality Therapy is a counseling method that was developed by Dr. William Glasser in 1965. However, it is so much more than a counseling technique.

Reality Therapy is a problem solving method that works well with people who are experiencing problems they want help solving. As well as those who are having problems and appear to not want any assistance.

Reality Therapy also provides an excellent model for helping individuals solve their own problems objectively. It serves as the ideal questioning series during coaching sessions.

The key

The underlying key to Reality Therapy is the relationship that is established with the person who needs the help. This is most critical when you are attempting to help someone who doesn’t really want your help.

Like a non-voluntary client, a resistant student or your sometimes even your own child. Without a positive relationship, you have no influence. To your helpee, you sound similar to the way adults sound in the Peanuts cartoons. “Whaa, wha, whaa, whaa, whaa.”

Your helpee doesn’t hear you without the relationship. Gary Zucav says, “Relationship is the root of all influence.” This is certainly true. You can have all the knowledge in the world.

But if the person you are attempting to help doesn’t believe you care and have their best interests at heart, they, most likely, will not be listening to you.

So how do you build a relationship?

Reality Therapy provides a model by instructing helpers to create a need-satisfying environment. The five basic needs of all humans are survival; love and belonging; power; freedom and fun.

In a helping relationship, the helper must create an environment where it is possible for the person being helped to feel safe. Feel connected to the helper in some way. To be listened to and respected. To have some choices. And to have some fun or learning with the helper.

 

Continue reading:

Problem Solving With Reality Therapy (Part 2 of 3)

The Mystery of Enlightenment

Initially, enlightenment is living in the present moment and accepting your situation as it is. That is a pretty heavy task for anyone in any time. It is often said that an enlightened person cannot be angered by small talk or negative energy.

Many people are humble and believe that they will never be enlightened in this life. They also believe: The goal of enlightenment is too vast for the average person to achieve. However, should you just give up?

What can you do to attain enlightenment?

You should meditate daily: This will help you connect to the world around you. This is an awareness of plants, animals, people and many things around you that are often not appreciated or overlooked.

Meditation will enhance awareness of yourself, everything around you, and the connection between the two. This will bring out the ability to see reality as it is – with the ultimate goal of reaching a state of “pure consciousness.”

Understand the value of prayer, mantras, and singing. Even if you only practice in your mind, this will strengthen positive energy within you. Many people resort to theses practices; to gain comfort in times of need. This is a shame because you can gain the positive benefits of prayer, mantras, and singing, any time.

Remember, enlightenment is not a race: You would be shocked at the number of people who put pressure on themselves to be “instantly enlightened.”

It is good to have goals in life, so creating a log to track your progress is a beneficial practice. Your log may track your meditation sessions, your ability to deal with, or diffuse, negative situations, your ability to create positive energy and project it to others, and your ability to see reality.

If you continue the process of keeping and maintaining a log, your results will be encouraging. You may also want to join a group with compatible religious beliefs, search for a teacher, or share your practice with a friend on the same path.

Lastly, do not be frustrated by uncertainty and learn to accept what you cannot control. If all humans could maintain enlightenment, we would experience world peace.

We could all accept each other, despite differences of culture, nationality, color, sex, religious beliefs, or any other thing humans can find to develop a pre-conceived notion about each other.

Making A Life

Tom Paterson, in his book, “Living The Life You Were Meant To Live,” made a very interesting comment. God isn’t interested in us just making a living as He is in us “making a life.”

Well said! I believe a good question we can ask is are we so consumed with making a living that we have forgotten how to make a life!

In this world of “me” focus and striving to get ahead, maybe we need to take a deep breath, step back a little and get a larger perspective on life. At the end of our lives, I don’t think it will really matter how much money you and I made or how successful we were.

I think the questions we will be concerned about are did we love our God and others well? Did we make a difference in this world? It is not that success or money are a bad things, but Jesus was so right when he said that life was so much more than the things that we possess.

At the end of our lives, I think it will be more important to know we were the kind of people that loved and served others well rather than what kind of car we drove, the house we lived in or how much money we made. Did we love with God’s love and did others see in us who Jesus really is.

The reality is that there are no guarantees about time. Time is precious. It waits for no one and it’s the one thing we can never get back. If we postpone what we really want to do in this life, people we want to touch or influence, or even a trip we want to take that time may never come.

People wait for retirement to pursue a dream. Retirement comes and health fails and the dream never happens.

Are you making a living or making a life? Why postpone even simple joys another day? Why not take the time for a long walk and actually smell the roses and enjoy God’s beautiful creation?

It won’t cost you a thing and will not only renew your senses but also clear your head. Why not take time to lay hold of courage and forgive or to tell someone that you love them? Maybe its time to be a voice of encouragement to someone who desperately needs a kind word or hug.

Take the time to cultivate some new friendships or get together with old friends over coffee, dinner. What about the possibility of extending an act of service or kindness to a complete stranger just because you can.

Are you making a living or making a life? What a perspective! When we begin to be people of life instead of performing in life our lives can be not only meaningful but lived with no regrets!