Tag: listen

Habits Of The Unsuccessful (Part 1 of 2)

The big difference

The difference between successful people and unsuccessful people is, successful people do what other people won’t do. If you want to have a fantastic life, never engage yourself in these deadly habits of the unsuccessful and incompetent people do.

Habits of the unsuccessful and incompetent:

They Think, Say, & Do Negative Things

Yes. They see problems in EVERY opportunity. These people complain that the sun is too hot. They cursed the rain for ruining their plans for the day. Not to mention that they blame the wind for ruining their hair.

They think that everyone is against them. They see the problems but never the solutions. Every little bit of difficulty is exaggerated to the point of tragedy. Failures often regarded as catastrophes.

Easily they become discouraged instead of learning from their mistakes. These are the kind of people who are afraid to come out of their comfort zone. As a result, they never seem to move forward.

They Usually Act Before They Think

They move based on instinct or impulse. If they see something they like, they buy at once without any second thought. Then they see something better. They regret & curse for not able to take advantage of the bargain.

Then they spend & spend again until nothing’s left. They don’t think about the future. What they’re after is the pleasure they will experience at present. They don’t think about the consequences. Those who engage in unsafe sex, criminality, and the like are included in this group.

They Talk Much More Than They Listen

They want to be the star of the show. So they always engage in talks that would make them heroes, even to the point of lying. Oftentimes they are not aware that what they’re saying is not sensible anymore.

When other people advise them, they close their ears because they’re too proud to admit their mistakes. In their mind they’re always correct. They reject suggestions because that will make them feel inferior.

 

Continue reading:

Habits Of The Unsuccessful (Part 2 of 2)

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Dealing With An Angry Person (Part 1 of 2)

Hard, but harder to ignore it

Everyone is periodically faced with an angry person, and can be challenging to deal with. I’d like to share a few ideas in how to react to another’s anger. Be it a spouse, a friend, or even a stranger. Some of these will also apply if you are angry yourself. Of course is something to avoid in the first place.

Listen

Let the person vent a little, and get their words and feelings out. If you interrupt them too quickly to defend yourself, it’s going to just make things worse. Wait for them to finish or for a pause. Being a good listener is an important skill in many other situations also.

A good technique for listening is to ask questions. It not only helps you understand them better, but shows them you truly care to understand.

Stay Calm

Don’t go into anger mode yourself, it just compounds the situation. Just remind yourself that anger is unlikely to accomplish anything good, so why do it.

Validate

Validate their anger, do not just dismiss their emotions just because you feel it’s unjustified. The fact is that they feel this way. You will help the situation by accepting and acknowledging the way they feel.

Let them know by saying “I see that you’re really upset with me and am sorry this had to happen”.

Take Responsibility

Don’t let you ego assume that you are totally without fault in their anger. You may not be fully aware of how you come across or what you did. Just accept that your actions could have been responsible, regardless of whether the actions were justified.

Find things that you can freely admit you were in error about. This may help resolve the other person’s anger.

Time-Out

If possible, take a time-out, and let the other person cool down. Trying to debate the situation immediately will often make it worse.

Give some time to settle down, and then discuss it if necessary. People will require different amounts of time to release their initial anger, so be adaptive to their needs.

 

Continue reading:

Dealing With An Angry Person (Part 2 of 2)

Solution To A Problem (Part 2 of 2)

Miss out the first article? Read it here.

 

Continuation:

 

Write down the question, and then come up with a one-sentence solution to that from them. The solution should be a general statement of what will solve the problem. From here you can develop the solution further, and increase its complexity little by little.

Be creative

Although it helps to have critical thinking aboard as you solve a problem, you must also keep a creative, analytical voice at the back of your head. When someone comes up with a prospective solution, tried to think how you could make that solution work. Try to be creative. At the same time, look for chinks in the armor of that solution.

There may be more solutions compare to problems

It pays to remember that there may be more than just one solution being developed at one time. Try to keep track of all the solutions and their developments. Remember, there may be more than just one solution to the problem.

Listen

Remember that old adage,” two heads are better than one.” That one is truer than it sounds. Always be open to new ideas. You can only benefit from listening to all the ideas each person has. This is especially true when the person you’re talking to has had experience solving problems similar to yours.

You don’t have to be a gung-ho, solo hero to solve the problem. If you can organize collective thought on the subject, it would be much better.

Be patient

As long as you persevere, there is always a chance that a solution will present itself. Remember that no one was able to create an invention the first time around.

Some exercises

Creative thinking exercises can also help you in your quest be a more creative problems solver.

Here is one example:

Take a piece of paper and write any word that comes to mind at the center. Now look at that word then write the first two words that come to your mind. This can go on until you can build a tree of related words. This helps you build analogical skills, and fortify your creative processes.

 

So, next time you see a problem you think you can not solve, think again. The solution might just be staring you right in the face. All it takes is just a little creative thinking, some planning, and a whole lot of work.

 

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Arguments Steal Mind Power

Arguments steal mind power. Have you ever noticed that arguments are rarely “won?” Even if you think you won an argument, what did you win?

If there really is a loser, he at least learned something, right? What did you get? Ego satisfaction, debating practice, and diminished mind power.

Arguing Diminishes Mind Power

There are times when things need to be debated, but most of the time, it really isn’t productive.

Do you want to argue the point? What do you get from a useless debate, and more importantly, what do you lose?

One thing is certain. A person listening to arguments can learn something from both sides, but what about the participants?

If your opponent makes a really good point, do you say, “Hey, you’re right!” or do you more often just look for a better argument?

Arguing too much gets you in the habit of looking for arguments more than for truth. You also get deeper into your thinking ruts the more you defend a position.

In a rut and ignoring the truth? If that doesn’t sound like it’s good for mind power, it’s because it isn’t.

Mind Power From Listening

If you say the moon is closer, and I say the sun is, one of us has to be right. If you say nurture is more important, and I say nature is, we’re both right.

The first argument has clearly defined terms. This isn’t common, and even here, what’s the point of arguing?

In the second example, our arguments have to do with values and experiences. We’ve seen different things in life, and we could spend a lifetime defining “important,” or I could shut up and listen.

My mind becomes more powerful with the addition of your ideas and knowledge. Listening is the better way.

To break the habit of arguing, purposely ask for peoples opinions, and listen without saying anything. You can ask them to clarify, but don’t offer one contrary idea.

Do this enough, and your learning will surprise you. The simple technique can be difficult, but it works.

Continuous Learning (Part 3 of 3)

Do not dare to miss out the wonderful first and second part.

 

Continuation:

 

Remain curious

One of the most powerful learning questions we use is “Why?” Why is the question of the curious. Continuous learners remain curious about people, places, important and mundane things as well.

They are adding to their knowledge and perspective by cultivating their curiosity. They also do an exercise to important part of our learning brain at the same time.

Learn in multiple ways

In school we learned in a limited number of ways. Unfortunately it leaves some people with a limited view of learning. Continuous learners know that they can learn by reading, by listening, by trying, through others, with a mentor, etc.

Teach others

Something magical happens when you teach someone something – you suddenly understand it better yourself. Continuous learners teach others. Not just to help the other person. Nor to show them how much they know. But mainly because they know it helps them deepen their mastery of their own learning.

How to Use This List

Now that you have read this far I hope you are convinced of how valuable it can be to be a more active learner. You have also read a list of characteristics. Now that you have read that list of characteristics, I’d like you to read it again. As you read it ask yourself these questions:

  1. How well do I stack up against these behaviors?
  2. Which ones would I like to get better at?
  3. Who do I know that is exceptionally good at each of these characteristics?
  4. How can I learn these traits and habits from those I know who are better at them than I?

Your answers to these four questions and the action that you take will put you on the road to being a more continuous and life-long learner.

Enjoy your journey.

 

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