Tag: listen

The Art Of Listening

Listening is an art

Everyone has a story to tell. However, not everyone may be willing to listen. Sometimes, we are amaze in an unpleasant way. Over the fact that we have not been paying attention to the one speaking to us.

At some point along the story, our mind has wandered off, and we only drift back to reality when suddenly asked, “Are you still listening?”

Benefits of listening

That would be most unfortunate, since next to our visual skills, our ability to listen allows us to reap various benefits. If we listen to our mentor as he shares with us useful thoughts on life, we become good apprentices.

We listen to our professor as he lectures about the day’s lesson, we become good students. If we listen to our boss as he explains the rationale of the company’s recent policy, we become good employees.

We listen to our parents as they advise us regarding career choices, we become good sons/daughters. If we listen to a friend in dire need of unloading his troubles, we become good friends.

In short, listening is vital in developing good human relationships.

To maximize our listening capability, here are a few tips

Focus

It is but a single word, but its message conveys far more. Being focused means paying attention, and a lot of it at that. It means temporarily forgetting about other matters of consequence and lending a few minutes of your time to hear someone speak his mind out.

Means giving interest to whatever it is that the speaker might want to say. It is taking his words seriously into consideration in whatever decision we are to make.

It is placing his story in the context of his emotions, and trying to understand him within the events occurring in his life.

Watch out for non-verbal cues

The message need not always lie on the words, but also in movements that the speaker makes. If we also pay good attention to the speaker’s eyes, facial expressions, and gestures, we will be able to receive the message in totality.

Moreover, if the speaker realizes that we are sincerely listening, we are boosting his confidence.

Be sensitive

A good measure of sensitivity is also essential to maintain enthusiasm in the part of the person speaking. If the person is at the peak of his emotions, do not interrupt.

After all, if someone is extremely angry or anguished, it will be a form of catharsis to remain patient until he has calmed down. Unless the person is already causing bodily harm, it will do him well to let him be purged of his bad feelings.

Show unconditional openness

We may not always agree with what someone has to say, but being there to listen may be the least we can offer. While we may have different opinions about several issues, keeping our horizons wide is a healthy attitude.

 

With these perspectives in listening, we become open to a world of unlimited learning and diverse experiences.

 

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Problem Solving With Reality Therapy (Part 2 of 3)

Read more about the Reality Therapy. Go back to recent article in case you missed it. Please check out the link below:

Problem Solving With Reality Therapy (Part 1 of 3)

 

Continuation:

 

After creating this need-satisfying environment and working hard to maintain it throughout the relationship, the helper can move on to the actual problem.

Hear the person’s story

The helper needs to determine what the ideal solution. And what would it look like from the other person’s point of view.

For example, if the person were complaining about a fight he have with his girlfriend. Ask the question, “What do you want to happen? How do you want this to work out?”

It is critical to get a specific picture of what the ideal solution will look like from the perspective of the person experiencing the problem. The helper is leading him or her away from the problem and into a problem-solution mode.

In this way, the focus is off the past and the problem, which cannot be changed. The focus instead is on the behavior the person can create to move himself in the direction of the solution he wants.

Inventory of ‘things’

The next step is to take an inventory of things the person is doing to attempt to get the situation to work out the way he wants. The helper asks the person to list the steps he is taking to move closer to his or her goal.

Typically, the person will only list positive things. But the helper needs to ask them to consider everything he is doing. Something he do that is both helping and hindering his or her progress.

It is even acceptable for the helper to add in some observations of his or her own. The point is to get as complete a picture as possible. In addition to considering one’s outward behavior, ask about their thoughts, feelings and physiology (if appropriate), as well.

 

Continue reading:

Problem Solving With Reality Therapy (Part 3 of 3)

Habits Of The Unsuccessful (Part 1 of 2)

The big difference

The difference between successful people and unsuccessful people is, successful people do what other people won’t do. If you want to have a fantastic life, never engage yourself in these deadly habits of the unsuccessful and incompetent people do.

Habits of the unsuccessful and incompetent:

They Think, Say, & Do Negative Things

Yes. They see problems in EVERY opportunity. These people complain that the sun is too hot. They cursed the rain for ruining their plans for the day. Not to mention that they blame the wind for ruining their hair.

They think that everyone is against them. They see the problems but never the solutions. Every little bit of difficulty is exaggerated to the point of tragedy. Failures often regarded as catastrophes.

Easily they become discouraged instead of learning from their mistakes. These are the kind of people who are afraid to come out of their comfort zone. As a result, they never seem to move forward.

They Usually Act Before They Think

They move based on instinct or impulse. If they see something they like, they buy at once without any second thought. Then they see something better. They regret & curse for not able to take advantage of the bargain.

Then they spend & spend again until nothing’s left. They don’t think about the future. What they’re after is the pleasure they will experience at present. They don’t think about the consequences. Those who engage in unsafe sex, criminality, and the like are included in this group.

They Talk Much More Than They Listen

They want to be the star of the show. So they always engage in talks that would make them heroes, even to the point of lying. Oftentimes they are not aware that what they’re saying is not sensible anymore.

When other people advise them, they close their ears because they’re too proud to admit their mistakes. In their mind they’re always correct. They reject suggestions because that will make them feel inferior.

 

Continue reading:

Habits Of The Unsuccessful (Part 2 of 2)

Dealing With An Angry Person (Part 1 of 2)

Hard, but harder to ignore it

Everyone is periodically faced with an angry person, and can be challenging to deal with. I’d like to share a few ideas in how to react to another’s anger. Be it a spouse, a friend, or even a stranger. Some of these will also apply if you are angry yourself. Of course is something to avoid in the first place.

Listen

Let the person vent a little, and get their words and feelings out. If you interrupt them too quickly to defend yourself, it’s going to just make things worse. Wait for them to finish or for a pause. Being a good listener is an important skill in many other situations also.

A good technique for listening is to ask questions. It not only helps you understand them better, but shows them you truly care to understand.

Stay Calm

Don’t go into anger mode yourself, it just compounds the situation. Just remind yourself that anger is unlikely to accomplish anything good, so why do it.

Validate

Validate their anger, do not just dismiss their emotions just because you feel it’s unjustified. The fact is that they feel this way. You will help the situation by accepting and acknowledging the way they feel.

Let them know by saying “I see that you’re really upset with me and am sorry this had to happen”.

Take Responsibility

Don’t let you ego assume that you are totally without fault in their anger. You may not be fully aware of how you come across or what you did. Just accept that your actions could have been responsible, regardless of whether the actions were justified.

Find things that you can freely admit you were in error about. This may help resolve the other person’s anger.

Time-Out

If possible, take a time-out, and let the other person cool down. Trying to debate the situation immediately will often make it worse.

Give some time to settle down, and then discuss it if necessary. People will require different amounts of time to release their initial anger, so be adaptive to their needs.

 

Continue reading:

Dealing With An Angry Person (Part 2 of 2)

Solution To A Problem (Part 2 of 2)

Miss out the first article? Read it here.

 

Continuation:

 

Write down the question, and then come up with a one-sentence solution to that from them. The solution should be a general statement of what will solve the problem. From here you can develop the solution further, and increase its complexity little by little.

Be creative

Although it helps to have critical thinking aboard as you solve a problem, you must also keep a creative, analytical voice at the back of your head. When someone comes up with a prospective solution, tried to think how you could make that solution work. Try to be creative. At the same time, look for chinks in the armor of that solution.

There may be more solutions compare to problems

It pays to remember that there may be more than just one solution being developed at one time. Try to keep track of all the solutions and their developments. Remember, there may be more than just one solution to the problem.

Listen

Remember that old adage,” two heads are better than one.” That one is truer than it sounds. Always be open to new ideas. You can only benefit from listening to all the ideas each person has. This is especially true when the person you’re talking to has had experience solving problems similar to yours.

You don’t have to be a gung-ho, solo hero to solve the problem. If you can organize collective thought on the subject, it would be much better.

Be patient

As long as you persevere, there is always a chance that a solution will present itself. Remember that no one was able to create an invention the first time around.

Some exercises

Creative thinking exercises can also help you in your quest be a more creative problems solver.

Here is one example:

Take a piece of paper and write any word that comes to mind at the center. Now look at that word then write the first two words that come to your mind. This can go on until you can build a tree of related words. This helps you build analogical skills, and fortify your creative processes.

 

So, next time you see a problem you think you can not solve, think again. The solution might just be staring you right in the face. All it takes is just a little creative thinking, some planning, and a whole lot of work.

 

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