gavel to use for guilty and not guilty suspect

Toxic Guilt, Healthy Guilt (Part 1 of 2)


Are you plagued with guilt? There is a big difference between healthy guilt and toxic guilt. In this article, learn what creates toxic guilt and how to heal it.

It is important

Guilt is an important feeling. It is the appropriate feeling to have when we have deliberately done something hurtful or harmful to others. People who can harm others without any feelings of guilt or remorse were formerly called sociopaths or psychopathic personalities, and are now defined as suffering from Anti-social Personality Disorder.

Anti-social Personality Disorder is a severe disorder that includes – along with many other symptoms – the lack of a conscience. Without a conscience, people can deliberately harm others without ever feeling guilt or remorse.

While it is very important to feel guilt at deliberately harming others, many people feel toxic guilt. Toxic guilt is inappropriate guilt – guilt that comes from self-judgments regarding having done something wrong when is no actual wrongdoing.

A true story

For example Fran, one of my clients, was exploring the guilt she feels when she speaks with her mother.

Feelings of guilt

“No matter what I say, my mother always seems to feel hurt and then I feel guilty at hurting her. Sometimes I wish I never had to talk with my mother. I don’t want to not have a relationship with her, but I hate feeling guilty all the time.”

Fran’s feelings of guilt are not coming from actually inflicting harm on her mother. Her feelings are coming from the self-judgment that she absorbed from her mother’s judgments of her.

Her guilt is coming from the fact that she is telling herself she is doing something wrong. Fran falsely believes that if someone feels hurt, it must be her fault.

Fran’s mother taught him that when her mother was feeling hurt, it was his fault. Now Fran feels guilty whenever someone she is involved with feels hurt or angry.

It is in the beliefs

However, it is not the other person’s feelings, nor their blame, anger or judgment toward her that is causing Fran to feel guilty. It is her own self-judgment that is causing her feelings of guilt.

If Fran did not believe that she was responsible for causing others’ feelings, she would not feel guilty when her mother or others blamed her for their feelings.


Continue reading:

Toxic Guilt, Healthy Guilt (Part 2 of 2)

official swearing in, showing integrity

Integrity (Part 2 of 2)

Please read the first part:

Integrity (Part 1 of 2)




More about integrity

Integrity is important at every level and in every aspect of society. Without integrity the very fabric of a system, unit or society can begin to crumble. Without integrity, what is a human being? A person loses everything through lack of integrity.

He loses even respect for himself in the end. When the truth of it dawns on him, he may even begin to believe himself to be worthless.

The solution is to cultivate integrity. Strive to be a good and truthful person.

In fact, integrity is something that has been taught throughout history. It is hinted at everywhere, when you tune into it. Even in modern times the founder of a meditation practice called Falun Dafa, teaches Truthfulness, Compassion and Tolerance.

He must think integrity is important. In fact, one can find the idea and importance of integrity emphasized in many religious teachings throughout every age of man. Don’t the noblest of people hold the idea of integrity as dear?

Integrity is more than just an idea

Integrity is more than just an idea. It is a practical and necessary character trait in order to have any lasting success in this world.

True, some can achieve success through a serious lack of integrity, morals and ethics. However, it is like a house built on shifting sand, bound to fall sooner or later.

And if the fall or payment for lack of integrity doesn’t happen in this life, perhaps the payment manifests in a bad way in the next life.

Whether you believe in reincarnation or in going to heaven upon death, or that you transcend and survive death in any way shape or form, it seems that it would be hardly worth rejecting integrity in the present.

Even for a person who believes that nothing happens upon death, that life simply ends, the practical aspects of integrity in everyday life are evident.

There are rewards in business and personal relationships for acting with integrity, loss of status and pain await those who overlook this virtue. Wouldn’t it be a good idea to cultivate integrity in our daily lives and actions right now?

If we each work on our personal integrity as individuals, we can collectively begin to build a better world and a better society for our children and ourselves. Isn’t that worth striving for?


— end —

Building Self Esteem


What Is Self Esteem?

High self-esteem is an extremely important characteristic of all highly successful people. Without high levels of self-esteem you are unlikely to see yourself as being worthy of success or happiness, and as a result will never truly try your hardest to achieve it.

High self-esteem will give you the courage to keep going when things get tough, and believe in yourself when others say you will never accomplish something. Developing and building self-esteem is therefore one of the most important and valuable things you could ever do for yourself.

Unfortunately, the value of self-esteem is often overlooked, yet the truth is we could all improve our level of self-esteem in some way or another.


Things That Build Self Esteem

The things that improve your self-esteem are quite simple. Basically anything that makes you feel good about yourself, makes you feel important or valuable as a person will build your level of self-esteem. So if your life is full of these things on a consistent daily basis, then your level of self-esteem will automatically rise.

However the opposite is also true. So anything that makes you feel bad, reduces your feelings of worthiness or importance, will lower your self-esteem.


Causes Of Low Self Esteem

So when you look at self-esteem like this, you can see that overall self-esteem is just a balance between things that make you feel good, and things that make you feel bad. If you feel good more often than you do bad, you will have high self-esteem and vice versa.

So why is this important? Well many people who suffer from low levels of self-esteem continue to expose themselves to things that make them feel bad. They may hang around with the same people every day who laugh at them, or treat them disrespectfully.

They may talk to themselves in a way that lacks respect, such as saying they are a looser or that they can’t do anything. Or they may do other things which day by day make them feel the same way.


Change Your Life, Change Your Thoughts

So the key here is change. If you are able to identify the things that make you feel bad, and replace them with the things that make you feel good, ultimately your self-esteem will improve. You won’t have to try to improve and build up your self-esteem, it will just happen automatically.

This principle of change is so simple it is often overlooked, because people become used to doing the same things day in day out. The trouble with this is that by doing the same things every day, your thought patterns remain the same every day and so you FEEL the same every day.

This is the real value and importance of change, which is why sometimes you need to change your life first, before you can change your thoughts.

Change will break your current thought patterns and create new patterns of thought. It is up to you to create patterns that will improve and enrich your life, and you do this by exposing yourself to things that make you feel good about yourself and raise your value as a person.