crumpled paper after a mistake

Conflict Mistakes

What do I do when I’ve “blown it?”

One of the questions I receive most often from my newsletter subscribers is what do I do when I’ve “blown it?”

As one good friend said: I forgot all the great ways I know to address a conflict. I reprimanded an employee by basically attacking her character. I did apologize, and, thankfully, she is not quitting. But things feel awkward, and I’m wondering if there’s something I can do to help the situation besides apologize.

Apologize

First, this person did just the right thing—she apologized, and she didn’t wait too long to do it. It’s important to remember that we all react occasionally in ways that we think better of later.

Once you apologize, give it time. Continue to center, breathe, smile, and treat the employee with respect.

In addition, hold the vision that with time your relationship will be back on the right track. Visualize how you want the relationship to look as you continue to work together, and begin acting on that vision in your daily communication.

Think of a physical wound

It takes time to heal. While it’s healing, you treat the wound gently, keep it clean, maybe smooth some cream on it to help the healing process.

It’s the same with healing a relationship

Keep your communication clean, gentle, and yet honest and direct. Say hello, how’s it going? Treat her as you would under normal circumstances, yet with the awareness of what did occur.  You don’t pretend the conflict never happened, but you don’t have to abase yourself either.

It’s only not up to us

Finally, remember that it’s not only up to you. You have a part in this, and so does she, you cannot do her part for her, you can only do yours. If you give the employee room, she will find her way back to the strong connection that once existed.

 

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spiral graphics used in hypnotism

The Truth About Hypnosis (Part 2 of 4)

Please read the previous article:

The Truth About Hypnosis (Part 1 of 4)

 

Continuation:

 

Hypnotic trance is really just a state of deep relaxation which creates alpha and sometimes theta waves in the brain. Sometimes a subject can be in a fairly deep state of trance without even knowing it. They merely think they are very relaxed. In very rare cases the subject thinks they just fell asleep!

Everyone can be under the spell of hypnotism

Everyone can be under the spell of hypnotism. However, all forms of Hypnosis are really self-hypnosis. For in order to hypnotize by someone, you must first be willing to hand over control to the hypnotist. Without consensual participation from a subject a hypnotist is virtually powerless.

It is extremely difficult to hypnotize a person who is under the influence of liquor or drugs. These people are already in a self-induced state of trance.

Trance is directing them into a different altered state becomes almost impossible. In addition it is impossible to hypnotize someone who is adamant they don’t want to undergo hypnosis!

The hypnotherapy

Hypnotherapy is a very specific form of hypnosis use mostly by health care professionals. As hypnosis is an extremely powerful tool for gaining access to the subconscious mind. Many emotionally-created illnesses can be treated with hypnotherapy.

In fact, as the medical profession becomes more aware of the role the mind plays in illness and healing, they have that some physical ailments, such as warts and skin disorders like eczema, can be successfully treated with hypnosis.

Simply stated Hypnotherapy is an alternative therapy. It uses hypnosis as a catalyst for creating inner change in a patient. That may take months or even years of traditional therapy techniques!

It is safe

Hypnosis is completely safe! It is just an efficient quick method for entering a deep relaxation, natural state of mind and body. There are no drugs involved, no unpleasant nor unwanted side-effects and it is in no way addictive.

 

(TO BE CONTINUED)

man sitting on the rocks meditating

Meditation: A Path To Inner Peace (Part 1 of 4)

A path to inner peace

Throughout history, meditation has been an integral part of many cultures. Records indicate that meditation was practiced in ancient Greece and India more than 5,000 years ago.

In the Buddhist religion, meditation is an important part of their spiritual practice. Different forms of meditation also practice in China and Japan, and Christianity, Judaism, and Islam have traditions similar to meditation.

The word meditation comes from the Latin ‘meditari’ which means: exercise, turn something over in one’s mind, think, consider. Its definition is “consciously directing your attention to alter your state of mind.”

The alternative therapy

Meditation is one of the proven alternative therapies that in recent years have been classified under the mind-body medicine therapies.

It is continuing to gain popularity, as more and more health experts believe that there is more to the connection between mind and body than modern medicine can explain.

Meditation aids the immune system and improve brain activity, according to researchers.

More and more doctors are prescribing meditation as a way to lower blood pressure, improve exercise performance, for people with angina, to help people with asthma to breathe easier, to relieve insomnia, and generally relax everyday stresses of life.

Many hospitals now offer meditation classes for their patients because of the health benefits. All promote physiological health and well-being.

For spiritual growth, now for managing stress

Traditionally, meditation is use for spiritual growth. Recently, it become a valuable tool for managing stress and finding a place of peace, relaxation, and tranquility in a demanding fast-paced world.

Benefits resulting from meditation include: physical and emotional healing; easing stress, fear, and grief; improved breathing; developing intuition; deep relaxation; exploring higher realities; finding inner guidance; unlocking creativity; manifesting change; emotional cleansing and balancing; and deepening concentration and insight.

A.K.A (also known as)

Meditation elicits many descriptive terms: stillness, silence, tranquility, peace, quiet, and calm. All counter stress and tension.

 

Continue reading:

Meditation: A Path To Inner Peace (Part 2 of 4)

Meditation: A Path To Inner Peace (Part 3 of 4)

Meditation: A Path To Inner Peace (Part 4 of 4)

Healing Abandonment & Abuse through Awareness (Part 2 of 2)

Do not miss out the first part.

 

Continuation:

When the abandoned child is feeling its pain and loss, the rest of the adult person is unable to find emotional balance. New skills are needed to help sort out the confusion, and to create new, healthier patterns.

Part of the healing may include grieving and anger, as those repressed feelings are released. But it is equally important to look at strengths: how well you are doing and what you want to contribute to the world as well as the positive side of parents and caretakers. Most people do the best they can.

Healing is a process of peeling the onion, so to speak. Revealing one layer after another, with time for rest and integration, leads to inner peace, resolution, and forgiveness.

Here are some suggestions:

1. Write about parallels between the past and the present. Become more aware of old patterns finding their way into your current life.

2. List all the ways you feel you were abandoned. Don’t worry if the list doesn’t make logical sense or is too long or short. Just write what you feel and remember.

3. Look at photographs of you and your family from those time periods as a way to help you remember details. Becoming more aware of the past can help you sort issues in the present.

4. Write an “unsent letter”—do not send it!—to your mother, telling her all the ways you appreciated her.
5. Now write an “unsent letter” listing the ways she let you down. DO NOT send unsent letters in the exercise—these are just ways for you to help yourself to heal.

Do the same for your father.

1. Write about your intentions for today, this week—what do you want to change? What are you goals in your life now?

2. What are you doing well now, and how is it different and better than what you or your family might have done in the past?

3. What are your strengths? Name 10 things your friends would say are your best traits.

4. Write about how you are your best friend. How you take care of yourself and like yourself.

 

— end —

 

Healing Abandonment & Abuse through Awareness (Part 1 of 2)

 

Many people I work with in therapy or in my writing-as-healing classes discover stories that surprise them—stories about the mistakes they felt their parents made, power imbalances in the family, or stories about physical or sexual abuse.

The darker stories are often a surprise. When writers sat down to write, those issues were not directly on their minds, but deep, revealing stories erupted from the pen. Though they were unexpected, for some they were a relief.

People who have been in therapy have had the same kind of experience—the subject matter in the forefront of the mind is not the material that “accidentally” arises during the session.

The therapy session begins with a particular subject in the present—for example dissatisfaction at work or trouble in a relationship, but often travels back in time with associations to parents, school, or past relationships.

It has become a cliché to talk about “dysfunctional” relationships and families, but most people do not have perfect families, and many have had to struggle with a range of problems—alcoholism, abuse—physical, sexual, or emotional, eating disorders, and depression, to name a few.

No one likes to be reminded of the past but when it keeps coming up, we are pushed to learn new responses as we search for more peace and positivism in our lives.

 

The past is not dead—it’s not even past.

-William Faulkner

Different kinds of abandonment

For people who have been abandoned, either literally by actual physical absence, or emotionally. A parent can be in the home and not there for us. The abandoned child syndrome may remain years later, showing up through insecurities and fears. Clinging behaviors or its opposite—walls to intimacy.

The abandoned child inside the adult can create havoc such as alcohol abuse, repeating their own abandonment by abandoning children, or refusal to have children out of fear of repetition. Depression, lack of energy and creativity, anger, and trying to fill up the emptiness may be manifestations of these issues.

 

Continue reading the last part.