Tag: forgiveness

Secrets For Stress-Free Living (Part 3 of 4)

Do not miss out the first and second part.

 

Continuation:

 

Being in the present moment is the only way you can make an emotional connection to what it is that you want. Therefore begin the process of it becoming attracted to you in future present moments.

This type of emotional alignment cannot be achieved when your thoughts are in the future or past. “But how much do I need to be in the present moment? I have all this stuff to do.”

You must be in the present moment to have enough fully-loaded, pleasurable, positive full body feelings. Being present will begin the process of its automatic attraction to you. Living with your thoughts at a future or past moment in time, is entirely redundant in the process of being free of stress, and attracting what you want into your life.

You can never be enough to

You can never be sorry enough to change this problem situation. It is only when you love yourself that you have that love to radiate to others. When you are allowing the abundance to flow to you, then have the ability to gift it to others.

Giving your energy in any form to others, is the fastest route to the emotional poorhouse. Whether it is love, forgiveness, agreement, or any energy, when your cup is not already brimming over. If you want to help others, you must first help yourself.

Others easily see through empty gestures, compliments, or favors; and, such gestures only hide you from your own emotional impoverishment/malnutrition. They are not useful, and serve no purpose in enhancing your life or others’.

Be selfish enough to line up with your intentions

This is important because it is only in your thriving that you have anything to offer others. If your own energy tank is not full, you have no business looking after the tanks of others.

 

Continue reading the last part.

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Healing Abandonment & Abuse through Awareness (Part 2 of 2)

Do not miss out the first part.

 

Continuation:

When the abandoned child is feeling its pain and loss, the rest of the adult person is unable to find emotional balance. New skills are needed to help sort out the confusion, and to create new, healthier patterns.

Part of the healing may include grieving and anger, as those repressed feelings are released. But it is equally important to look at strengths: how well you are doing and what you want to contribute to the world as well as the positive side of parents and caretakers. Most people do the best they can.

Healing is a process of peeling the onion, so to speak. Revealing one layer after another, with time for rest and integration, leads to inner peace, resolution, and forgiveness.

Here are some suggestions:

1. Write about parallels between the past and the present. Become more aware of old patterns finding their way into your current life.

2. List all the ways you feel you were abandoned. Don’t worry if the list doesn’t make logical sense or is too long or short. Just write what you feel and remember.

3. Look at photographs of you and your family from those time periods as a way to help you remember details. Becoming more aware of the past can help you sort issues in the present.

4. Write an “unsent letter”—do not send it!—to your mother, telling her all the ways you appreciated her.
5. Now write an “unsent letter” listing the ways she let you down. DO NOT send unsent letters in the exercise—these are just ways for you to help yourself to heal.

Do the same for your father.

1. Write about your intentions for today, this week—what do you want to change? What are you goals in your life now?

2. What are you doing well now, and how is it different and better than what you or your family might have done in the past?

3. What are your strengths? Name 10 things your friends would say are your best traits.

4. Write about how you are your best friend. How you take care of yourself and like yourself.

 

— end —

 

Forgiveness: A Path to Healing (Part 2 of 2)

Read Part 1 here.

 

I call it abuse because it is just as painful when we do it to ourselves as when others do it to us. We became judge and jury and found ourselves guilty of our perceived offences.

When the primary caregivers such as parents, teachers, and other societal influences are unable to love themselves unconditionally, this “learned attitude” is passed on to the next generation as shame in an attempt to control behavior.

This sense of shame differs from guilt in that guilt is about behavior. Shame is deeper and more pervasive. It is about your being and feelings of inferiority, inadequacy, being bad and unlovable become the conviction underlying your life.

Children grow up believing they are “not good enough” and become the caregivers for the next generation. And so it goes, on and on.

I am not blaming the parents and caregivers here as we parent the way we were parented. My own definition of maturity is that maturity is achieved when we are able to forgive our parents and other significant adults for being human.

What Is Self-forgiveness?

Self-forgiveness is the willingness to believe that you are worthy, that there are no mistakes rather, you are on the planet, or in Earth School (as some people call it) to learn about being human. The opportunities to learn are just that – not mistakes – just opportunities to learn.

Practical Steps to Self-forgiveness

  1. Examine how you perceived a certain situation and how you can chose to change your perception. Remember that the thoughts we think create the feelings, and it is our perception that creates our interpretations of the situation.
  2. Accept yourself and your humanness – you are not supposed to be perfect.
  3. Admit when you make a mistake.
  4. Remember that everybody is doing the best they can with what they know, and that includes you.
  5. Let go of past-future thinking, stay in the ‘Now.’
  6. Confront your emotional pain – own your own ‘stuff.’
  7. Appreciate the lessons that have contributed to your growth and made you who you are now.
  8. Say ‘I forgive myself for ____________ (whatever).’

 

— end —

Forgiveness: A Path to Healing (Part 1 of 2)

 

In our journey to inner peace and healing, both guilt and forgiveness of self and others have a profound effect on this process.

Guilt is defined as a feeling of culpability especially for imagined offences or from a sense of inadequacy; a self-reproach; and forgiveness as the act of forgiving or the ceasing of feeling resentment against an offender.

Guilt and lack of forgiveness of self and others, burdens many people with the heavy weight of inappropriate shame and the destruction of deep-seated resentments.

In recent years, much has been written about the destructiveness of repressed emotions and particularly anger and resentment in contributing to life-threatening illnesses.

The belief that feeling emotion means we are weak is a dreadful legacy to burden people with. Teaching people that strength means not feeling or denying our feelings is tantamount to creating illness.

Beliefs such as “big boys don’t cry” and “good girls don’t get angry” has resulted in men and women who are unable to get in touch with what they actually feel. Depression is thought to be caused by anger turned inward and is only one of the symptoms of the need to protect ourselves from the scorn associated with expressing feelings.

Many other illnesses and particularly the addictions are theorized to be expressions of a deep level of emotional pain.

Why won’t we forgive? I believe it starts from our unwillingness to forgive ourselves.  We believe that we are undeserving of love, respect, acceptance, appreciation, and the right to live a life where we walk in peace, joy, harmony, and abundance.

Somewhere along the line, we started to believe that all the rules and regulations of the society in which we live defined who we were supposed to be.

We stopped trusting and believing in our own inherent worth and came to believe that we were “not good enough.” Messages such as “you failed” or “you should” became a litany for us to abuse ourselves with guilt.

 

Continue reading Part 2 here.