Tag: beliefs

Self-Talk (Part 2 of 4)

Do not miss out the wonderful recent article:

Self-Talk (Part 1 of 4)




  1. Quote: “If you’re in the habit of saying you “hate” things– you “hate” your hair; you “hate” your job; you “hate” having to do something. Do you think this raises the intensity of your negative emotional state than if you used a phrase like “I prefer something else”? End quote.
  2. Change the phrase from “I hate” to the phrase “I prefer”. Could it be that simple? “I’d prefer an new car”, I’d prefer an new hairdo” I’d prefer a new job”, I’d prefer new clothes”. “I’d prefer to do something else”.

The intensity of those statements dropped big time because you used different words. I know this for a fact. If you simply change your habitual vocabulary, and these would be the words you consistently use to describe your life and your emotions.

If you change your habitual vocabulary you can instantaneously change how think, how you feel and how you LIVE!! I really want to drive this home to you.

You’re Self-Talk that you’re using right now is determining your destiny. Think about that for a second (maybe a little longer). Your words are shaping your beliefs and impacting your actions.

Much of where you are in life right now is due to your Self-Talk. So if you’re using words that are non-empowering. CHANGE THEM to words that will empower you.

How do you know what you’re Self-Talk is?

Simple really. When an event or challenge happens in your life how do you react, what do you say? If you’re saying it out loud you’re probably saying it to yourself, and vice versa.

Here are some examples, and these are from many of the people I speak to on a daily basis. It may be different for you.

When something happens a challenge in your life, do you say to yourself?

“Why does this always happen to me?” or “Why did this have to happen now?”


Continue reading:

Self-Talk (Part 3 of 4)


Self-Growth: When Everything Falls Apart (Part 3 of 4)

Read the wonderful recent articles here:

Self-Growth: When Everything Falls Apart (Part 1 of 4)

Self-Growth: When Everything Falls Apart (Part 2 of 4)




How to stay with the process through its completion

Look closer

When everything falls apart, pay special attention to the exact circumstances that have begun deteriorating. This gives you a BIG clue about the biggest lies (limiting beliefs you have formed) about yourself, and your life.

Look for the connection between the blockages you are dissolving, and the circumstances that are coming apart at the seams.

For example, if you have begun exploring your true talents and abilities. Then you suddenly lose your job.

A little introspection may help you to realize that your job didn’t allow you to USE those talents and abilities. So it needed to be removed to make way for a more fulfilling career.

Sometimes the connections can be a little more vague and you may have to dig a little deeper. It may take some time to fully understand how everything is related.

But if you keep at it, you will come to understand it. You can then use that knowledge to rebuild something better.


Yes, you MUST allow yourself to grieve! Just because the old circumstances were built on “lies” doesn’t mean you won’t feel a sense of loss and sadness as they unravel.

Allow yourself to go through that. Cry as much as you need to. Stay with the sadness for as long as necessary to move completely through it.

Follow through with the destruction

As much as you might want to try and “fix” everything immediately, don’t do it yet. Instead, take an active role in continuing the destruction of that which no longer serves you.

Hell yes, it’s going to hurt. But at the same time, it will be so incredibly freeing and empowering. Maybe for the first time in your life, you will feel in control of your circumstances.

You will be choosing to release self-limiting beliefs, and free yourself from self-destructive patterns. This “destruction” process can take many forms.

But it usually involves releasing circumstances that no longer correspond with your newly emerging beliefs, such as unproductive relationships, unfulfilling jobs, etc.

Be willing to let them go, and prepare yourself for the creation of something more meaningful.



Self-Growth: When Everything Falls Apart (Part 1 of 4)

When Everything Falls Apart

We often have the perception that self-growth will be simple, enjoyable, and rewarding. It certainly can be, but there is also another aspect of the self-growth journey that is rarely mentioned. And that is, when everything falls apart.

Deep-rooted beliefs

One of the major parts of self-growth is learning how to look inside yourself and get clear about certain things. Most often, this involves recognizing and dissolving inner blockages.

These are usually deep-rooted beliefs that we formed in childhood, or at least the early part of our lives. Sounds good, right?

It’s very good, actually, because these beliefs are usually what prevent us from living fully productive lives. These are the beliefs that keep us stuck in self-destructive patterns. They have a negative effect on all aspects of our lives. So dissolving them is an excellent idea.

The problem is that these deep-rooted beliefs are part of the foundation upon which our current lives are built. When we dissolve inner blockages, there are suddenly gaping holes in our foundation, which cannot support what is resting above them.

Inevitably, something will slip down into the hole, causing pain and turmoil and terror.

Real-life scenario

That’s what happened to me this week. My eyes were opened in a big way about a blockage I had been struggling with since early childhood. I finally felt totally clear on why it was there, and I understood exactly what I needed to do to dissolve it.

Suddenly became a lie

So, I set about doing just that — and then everything fell apart. That’s the understatement of the century. Everything I thought I knew about my life suddenly became a lie, and I was shaken to my very core.

I spent a couple of days feeling shell-shocked. Then another couple of days grieving. Then the light dawned. Finally, I understood what was happening, and I could see clearly how everything is interconnected.

It was no accident that everything fell apart just when I was finally making progress on my inner blockages. They fell apart BECAUSE I was making progress on my inner blockages.


Continue reading:

Self-Growth: When Everything Falls Apart (Part 2 of 4)

Self-Growth: When Everything Falls Apart (Part 3 of 4)

Spiritual Growth: The Spiritual Challenge of Modern Times (Part 1 of 2)

Status today

Spiritual growth in a world defined by power, money, and influence is a Herculean task. Modern conveniences such as electronic equipment, gadgets, and tools as well as entertainment through television, magazines, and the web have predisposed us to confine our attention mostly to physical needs and wants.

As a result, our concepts of self-worth and self-meaning are muddled. How can we strike a balance between the material and spiritual aspects of our lives?

To grow spiritually is to look inward

Introspection goes beyond recalling the things that happened in a day, week, or month. You need to look closely and reflect on your thoughts, feelings, beliefs, and motivations.

Periodically examining your experiences, the decisions you make, the relationships you have, and the things you engage in provide useful insights on your life goals, on the good traits you must sustain and the bad traits you have to discard.

Moreover, it gives you clues on how to act, react, and conduct yourself in the midst of any situation. Like any skill, we can learn introspection; all it takes is the courage and willingness to seek the truths that lie within you.

Here are some pointers when you introspect

  1. be objective
  2. be forgiving of yourself, and
  3. focus on your areas for improvement.

To grow spiritually is to develop your potentials

Religion and science have differing views on matters of the human spirit. Religion views people as spiritual beings temporarily living on Earth. Science views the spirit as just one dimension of an individual.

Mastery of the self is a recurring theme in both Christian (Western) and Islamic (Eastern) teachings. The needs of the body are recognized but placed under the needs of the spirit. Beliefs, values, morality, rules, experiences, and good works provide the blueprint to ensure the growth of the spiritual being.

In Psychology, realizing one’s full potential is to self-actualize. Maslow identified several human needs: physiological, security, belongingness, esteem, cognitive, aesthetic, self-actualization, and self-transcendence.

James earlier categorized these needs into three: material, emotional, and spiritual. When you have satisfied the basic physiological and emotional needs, spiritual or existential needs come next.

Achieving each need leads to the total development of the individual. Perhaps the difference between these two religions and psychology is the end of self-development. Christianity and Islam see that self-development is a means toward serving God. Psychology view that self-development is an end by itself.


Continue reading the last part.

Are You a Negative Thinker? (Part 1 of 2)

Chronic fatigue

Barbara sought my help because of her chronic fatigue. She had been to different doctors, trying different nutrition plans for years yet nothing was helping her. One of the doctors suggested that she try psychotherapy.

It became evident early in our work together than Barbara was deeply addicted to thinking the worst. Constant negativity went through her mind about every aspect of her life. She would get out of her car and worry about getting robbed. In social situations, she would tell herself that people didn’t like her.

She was always worried about money, even though she was a successful graphic designer. Her husband could never do anything right. There was something wrong with every doctor she saw.

Negative thinking

Negative thinking causes much stress in the body. I told Barbara to imagine that she was telling these negative thoughts to a child. How would the child feel most of the time? Barbara could see that this child would, of course, feel anxious and stressed much of the time. This is in response to all the negativity and catastrophic thinking.

The medical profession has long told us that stress is one of the leading causes of illness. Stress sets into motion the body’s fight or flight response, pouring cortisol into the body and eventually exhausting the adrenal glands. Adrenal exhaustion can be one of the results of so much negative thinking.

While Barbara could understand the possible effect her negative thinking was having on her health, it was extremely challenging for her to give up her negative thinking. Barbara deeply believed that her negative thinking kept her safe from disappointment.


She believed that thinking the negative thought before the bad thing would happen prepared her to deal with it. Barbara didn’t want to be caught off guard. She believed that she could not handle the pain of disappointment. If only she knew about it ahead of time and actually expected it, she wouldn’t feel disappointed.

In addition, Barbara believed that if she was vigilant enough and thought through all the bad things that could happen, she could prevent them. She believed that by thinking ahead, she could somehow have control over the outcome of things.

Finally, Barbara also believed that she could control how people felt about her by acting right and saying the right thing. She was constantly vigilant about her behavior with others in her attempts to control how they felt about her and treated her.


Continue reading the last part.