person showing anger

Rejections and Anger (Part 2 of 2)

Do not miss out the previous article, read below:

Rejections and Anger (Part 1 of 2)

 

Continuation:

 

There must be reasons

For example, if you are married, you enjoy going to the bar to chat with your friends. And then your husband does not want you to go, and then think why he said no?

Obviously, your husband cares about you since he knows that danger is potentially high at bars. He does not want you to get hurt therefore, he is saying no in your best interest.

If the bank turns you down on a loan there is a legit reason. Maybe your credit report needs some repairing, or maybe they felt you income would not cover the loan amount.

Therefore, your best interest was at heart again. We all hear no throughout our lifetime and most times, it is for the best reasons.

If you apply for a job and are turned down, it might be in your best interest. Since the employers felt that your skills were not on the level that the job required of you.

Alternatively, you may be over qualified for the job and when you are rejected. Maybe the employers are merely saying we do not have the cash to pay you for what you are worth. Thinking positive is always great for managing anger.

Do not get too emotional

If you are prompt to explode when your emotions are interrupted then it is difficult to manage your life. If you are angry most likely, all areas of your life seem like an uphill travel.

When you gain control this often benefits everyone, including yourself. Your life starts to improve and your mind is thanking you for removing stress from its cavity.

If you are prone to beat yourself up when rejections come your way, you might want to find a positive side of your being and enforce it in your mind repeatedly.

Practice, practice, practice

Practice makes perfect. This is a great way to train your mind so that you gain control of your mind and anger. If you are frustrated easily, it is probably because you do not take time out of a day for yourself to relax.

There is nothing wrong with relaxing. Therefore you can sit down for 30 minutes each day and yoga or think of nothing at all.

Finally, we are closing so I wanted to let you know that once you practice the strategies for dealing with anger, pat yourself on the back each time you make effort and achieve.

 

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crumpled paper with text "REJECTED"

Rejections and Anger (Part 1 of 2)

Anger is usually a product of rejections

All of us experience rejections

Rejections are normal. We all hear a lot of NO on many occasions. Some persons have difficulty handling rejections and may react hastily to the other person involved.

If you walk in a bank and apply for a loan. Then you are rejected you might stomp out the door shouting obscene talk to the lenders. This is not an appropriate way to handle the situation.

Rejections trigger emotions

This in fact can get you in trouble. And it is obvious that rejections are triggers to your emotions that enforce your anger. Now that you see this is a trigger you will need to learn how to cope with your anger and emotions.

At work

We can start with the technique to work through your anger by reducing your stress. If you are a spontaneous person then you will need to learn how to cut back on stressors.

If you feel pressured in the morning before going to work, try picking out the clothes you will wear for that day the following evening. This will provide you an extra few minutes during the morning to prepare for work.

In school

If you are running like a mad person to meet classes, then you might want to set up a schedule for yourself that includes time management. This can help you learn to prepare ahead and stay on top of things without rushing.

Instead of roaming thoughts through your head about what you, need to do each day, try handling one task at a time.

More strategies

This works wonders once you practice and continue with your strategy. When you feel angry, try taking a few deep breaths before you speak. You may also want to practice exercising since this burns energy. And it often reduces your chances of exploding when your emotions is threaten.

If you cannot handle rejections, coach your mind to believe that the person is not centering you out. Repeat over in your mind that no is a positive in many cases.

 

(TO BE CONTINUED)

angry kitten

Dealing With An Angry Person (Part 1 of 2)

Hard, but harder to ignore it

Everyone is periodically faced with an angry person, and can be challenging to deal with. I’d like to share a few ideas in how to react to another’s anger. Be it a spouse, a friend, or even a stranger. Some of these will also apply if you are angry yourself. Of course is something to avoid in the first place.

Listen

Let the person vent a little, and get their words and feelings out. If you interrupt them too quickly to defend yourself, it’s going to just make things worse. Wait for them to finish or for a pause. Being a good listener is an important skill in many other situations also.

A good technique for listening is to ask questions. It not only helps you understand them better, but shows them you truly care to understand.

Stay Calm

Don’t go into anger mode yourself, it just compounds the situation. Just remind yourself that anger is unlikely to accomplish anything good, so why do it.

Validate

Validate their anger, do not just dismiss their emotions just because you feel it’s unjustified. The fact is that they feel this way. You will help the situation by accepting and acknowledging the way they feel.

Let them know by saying “I see that you’re really upset with me and am sorry this had to happen”.

Take Responsibility

Don’t let you ego assume that you are totally without fault in their anger. You may not be fully aware of how you come across or what you did. Just accept that your actions could have been responsible, regardless of whether the actions were justified.

Find things that you can freely admit you were in error about. This may help resolve the other person’s anger.

Time-Out

If possible, take a time-out, and let the other person cool down. Trying to debate the situation immediately will often make it worse.

Give some time to settle down, and then discuss it if necessary. People will require different amounts of time to release their initial anger, so be adaptive to their needs.

 

Continue reading:

Dealing With An Angry Person (Part 2 of 2)

Live Abundantly (Part 2 of 2)

Do not dare to miss the first part.

 

Continuation:

 

Resentment, jealousy, envy and self-pity interfere with the free-flow of abundance

If you are jealous or envious of someone, it implies that what they have is not available for you to have also.

If you find it difficult to let go of these feelings, Bach flower remedies may help. Try the remedy ‘willow’ to counteract resentment and self-pity, or try ‘holly’ for envy, jealousy and greed.

Forgiving those that have wronged you is part of living abundantly

Holding on to your anger, justifiable it may seem, keeps you stuck in the past. I prevents you going forward into a better future.

If it’s difficult to let go of your negative feelings, try writing a letter expressing all your anger, hurt or envy. Write until you can write no more, and then burn it.

Being able to receive from other people

Being able to receive is healthy, but many people find it difficult. You may need to practice receiving. Think of the pleasure you get in giving. By not receiving generously you are denying other people the pleasure of giving.

Realize that in general ‘good luck’ plays a very small part in people’s life

If you put your faith in good luck, then you have to accept the possibility of bad luck too. People who put their faith in ‘good luck’ often spend their lives waiting for things to happen. People who don’t believe in luck go out and make things happen.

Believing that there is enough money, food, love, etc.

The world is enough to meet everyone’s needs to live abundantly. It can be very hard to believe when faced with war and starvation in the news.

The truth is, a lot of this anger and need is because people who have do not believe they have enough.  They substitute money and food for all the other abundance of life.

Do your part to correct that imbalance and start living a life that recognizes there are inequalities and shortages. Rather, we can correct that so we all have what we need.

 

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Healing Abandonment & Abuse through Awareness (Part 2 of 2)

Do not miss out the first part.

 

Continuation:

When the abandoned child is feeling its pain and loss, the rest of the adult person is unable to find emotional balance. New skills are needed to help sort out the confusion, and to create new, healthier patterns.

Part of the healing may include grieving and anger, as those repressed feelings are released. But it is equally important to look at strengths: how well you are doing and what you want to contribute to the world as well as the positive side of parents and caretakers. Most people do the best they can.

Healing is a process of peeling the onion, so to speak. Revealing one layer after another, with time for rest and integration, leads to inner peace, resolution, and forgiveness.

Here are some suggestions:

1. Write about parallels between the past and the present. Become more aware of old patterns finding their way into your current life.

2. List all the ways you feel you were abandoned. Don’t worry if the list doesn’t make logical sense or is too long or short. Just write what you feel and remember.

3. Look at photographs of you and your family from those time periods as a way to help you remember details. Becoming more aware of the past can help you sort issues in the present.

4. Write an “unsent letter”—do not send it!—to your mother, telling her all the ways you appreciated her.
5. Now write an “unsent letter” listing the ways she let you down. DO NOT send unsent letters in the exercise—these are just ways for you to help yourself to heal.

Do the same for your father.

1. Write about your intentions for today, this week—what do you want to change? What are you goals in your life now?

2. What are you doing well now, and how is it different and better than what you or your family might have done in the past?

3. What are your strengths? Name 10 things your friends would say are your best traits.

4. Write about how you are your best friend. How you take care of yourself and like yourself.

 

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