man smiling and problem solved

Problem Solving With Reality Therapy (Part 3 of 3)

Do not dare to miss out the recent articles. Read them below:

Problem Solving With Reality Therapy (Part 1 of 3)

Problem Solving With Reality Therapy (Part 2 of 3)

 

Continuation:

 

Assessment of the current behavior

The next step is the most crucial in the entire process. In the next step the helper asks helpees if their current behavior is likely to get them what they say they want.

This is the step where the helper comforts the afflicted and afflicts the comfortable. If the person is already aware that what he is doing is not working, then they are already in distress. They are ready to try something different. So the helper comforts the afflicted by helping them find a solution.

Otherwise if the person is unaware that he needs help, this will be the step that drives the point home. Answering this question is likely to afflict the comfortable by holding up a mirror of their own behavior.

Ask if it is likely to be effective in getting what he or she wants. If the answer is no, then they generally experience enough discomfort to at least look at some alternatives.

The final step

The final step in the Reality Therapy process is to help the helpee come up with a plan. He then will tend to do something more effective. This is best accomplished by helping the person focus on those things. Things that are within his or her control—his or her own thoughts and actions.

We don’t help a depressed person by simply saying, “Cheer up!” People cannot directly control their feelings but they can directly control their actions and thinking.

Similarly, people like to focus their time and attention on what others could and should do. This will give them what they want but attempting to control others is generally a fruitless activity.

Helping people to focus on changing their own behavior and thoughts is generally the goal of Reality Therapy.

 

Of course there are many subtle nuances to the process. I have only provided a thumbnail sketch of the method. But you can easily see a variety of applications as mentioned in the introduction to this article.

 

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lady sitting having a self-talk

Self-Talk (Part 2 of 4)

Do not miss out the wonderful recent article:

Self-Talk (Part 1 of 4)

 

Continuation:

 

  1. Quote: “If you’re in the habit of saying you “hate” things– you “hate” your hair; you “hate” your job; you “hate” having to do something. Do you think this raises the intensity of your negative emotional state than if you used a phrase like “I prefer something else”? End quote.
  2. Change the phrase from “I hate” to the phrase “I prefer”. Could it be that simple? “I’d prefer an new car”, I’d prefer an new hairdo” I’d prefer a new job”, I’d prefer new clothes”. “I’d prefer to do something else”.

The intensity of those statements dropped big time because you used different words. I know this for a fact. If you simply change your habitual vocabulary, and these would be the words you consistently use to describe your life and your emotions.

If you change your habitual vocabulary you can instantaneously change how think, how you feel and how you LIVE!! I really want to drive this home to you.

You’re Self-Talk that you’re using right now is determining your destiny. Think about that for a second (maybe a little longer). Your words are shaping your beliefs and impacting your actions.

Much of where you are in life right now is due to your Self-Talk. So if you’re using words that are non-empowering. CHANGE THEM to words that will empower you.

How do you know what you’re Self-Talk is?

Simple really. When an event or challenge happens in your life how do you react, what do you say? If you’re saying it out loud you’re probably saying it to yourself, and vice versa.

Here are some examples, and these are from many of the people I speak to on a daily basis. It may be different for you.

When something happens a challenge in your life, do you say to yourself?

“Why does this always happen to me?” or “Why did this have to happen now?”

 

Continue reading:

Self-Talk (Part 3 of 4)

man sitting in front of mountains doing a self-talk

Self-Talk (Part 1 of 4)

We all have Self Talk

So what is Self-Talk? Simply put Self-Talk is the running dialogue in your head. It’s the words you use to describe the experiences in your life. Those are the words you use when you have challenges. The words you use when you’re speaking to others. Like your daily vocabulary.

Look you must realize the power your words command and then choose them wisely.

“People with an impoverished vocabulary live an impoverished emotional life; people with rich vocabularies have a multitude palette of colors with which to paint their experience, not only for others, but for themselves as well”.

– From the book of Anthony RobinsAwaken The Giant Within,

“Its only words, and words are all I have, to take your heart away”

Many of us don’t realize the words we habitually choose to use effect how we communicate with ourselves and therefore what we experience. Words are very powerful, they can help or heal. They can make us cry or laugh. Words can create or destroy. They can comfort or cause pain.

Words create emotions, and those words create action, and from those actions your life is formed. Most of your beliefs are created by words, which means they can also be changed by words.

Simply choosing new words to describe how you’re feeling or how you experienced an event can instantly change the emotional experience. If you describe a fantastic experience as being “Ok”. That experience is now diminished and flat because of your limited use of words.

You’re in control of your life

You need to consciously evaluate and keep improving the content of your vocabulary to make sure it’s pulling you in the direction you desire instead of a direction you want to avoid.

Changing choice of words can change your life

Here’s a great example I heard from Anthony Robbins after hearing him speak about this subject at one of his live seminars. After that I re-evaluated my Self-Talk (years ago). And it changed my life BIG TIME!

 

Continue reading:

Self-Talk (Part 2 of 4)

Self-Talk (Part 3 of 4)

ONE SMALL GESTURE (PART 2 OF 2)

Please do not miss the First Part.

 

I knew that we would always be friends, that the miles would never be a problem. He was going to be a doctor, and I was going for business on a football scholarship.

Kyle was valedictorian of our class. I teased him all the time about being a nerd. He had to prepare a speech for graduation. I was so glad it wasn’t me having to get up there and speak.

Graduation day, I saw Kyle. He looked great. He was one of those guys that really found himself during high school. He filled out and actually looked good in glasses.

He had more dates than I had and all the girls loved him. Boy, sometimes I was jealous. Today was one of those days. I could see that he was nervous about his speech.

So, I smacked him on the back and said, “Hey, big guy, you’ll be great!” He looked at me with one of those looks (the really grateful one) and smiled. “Thanks,” he said. As he started his speech, he cleared his throat, and began,

“Graduation is a time to thank those who helped you make it through those tough years. Your parents, your teachers, your siblings, maybe a coach…but mostly your friends… I am here to tell all of you that being a friend to someone is the best gift you can give them. I am going to tell you a story.”

I just looked at my friend with disbelief as he told the story of the first day we met. He had planned to kill himself over the weekend. He talked of how he had cleaned out his locker so his Mom wouldn’t have to do it later and was carrying his stuff home.

He looked hard at me and gave me a little smile. “Thankfully, I was saved. My friend saved me from doing the unspeakable.”

I heard the gasp go through the crowd as this handsome, popular boy told us all about his weakest moment. I saw his Mom and dad looking at me and smiling that same grateful smile. Not until that moment did I realize its depth.

Never underestimate the power of your actions. With one small gesture you can change a person’s life. For better or for worse. God puts us all in each other’s lives to impact one another in some way. Look for God in others.

“Friends are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly.”

There is no beginning or end. Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is mystery. Today is a gift.

 

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