Author: conradivan

Wonderer. Dreamer. Wanderer. Fulfiller.

Secrets For Stress-Free Living (Part 2 of 4)

Please read the wonderful first part.

 

Continuation:

Happiness is your meta-experience when thinking about something that brings you such pleasure. Happiness cannot be experienced by the senses directly, only pleasure can.

Focus your life on having more now-moment pleasure experiences, rather than accumulating reasons or things to be happy about.

Stay connected to source

Find your own personal way to stay connected to your higher consciousness (the feeling you). For many this is meditation, music, song, etc. Why are we so attracted to parks? water? nature? wildlife and animals? We have awareness on some level that we are part of a much greater collected consciousness, something else, something higher than us.

Some people may be partially disconnected from it, but you can never fully disconnect from it. Notice that the word emotion is e + motion. Notice the connections of levels even on a linguistic level. Did you know that elephants are one of the very few creatures other than humans who cry tears of emotion? And when was the last time you saw an elephant running?

They adapt or has the ability to release emotions from tears in the same way humans do. People are attracted to source because we recognize that’s where we want to be. We want to have those feelings, we want to experience that energy. Energy, just by being in its presence, makes us feel better about ourselves.

Live in the moment

We only have access to our full personal power in the present moment. This is practicing the art; it’s a habit to be developed, a life-skill. The extent, to which you are connecting, on some unconscious level, either into the past or into the future, is the extent to which you rob yourself of your present power.

You are not going to be experiencing what it is that you want; therefore you are moving your emotional point of attraction, into negative territory.

 

(TO BE CONTINUED)

 

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Secrets For Stress-Free Living (Part 1 of 4)

Secrets for a stress-free living is not a secret after all. We only need to reflect and talk to ourselves.

Below are some of the things to ponder:

Accept the problem

Be at peace with a current problem, for the solution to come to you. You have to accept yourself where you are, no matter what. We cannot solve any problem without first accepting it. We spend so much of our time trying to deny what has happened or deny a part of ourselves. Pushing it away, which only leads to more of the problem appearing in your life.

More often than not, accepting the part of you that is creating the problem solves half the problem. Part of you is trying to send you a message. Maybe it’s time you listen.

You cannot attract to you, that to which you are not already connected

So be an appreciator. One of the fastest ways to attract what you want towards you is learning to appreciate the good. Whatever situation life is presenting you with. Being an appreciator is so important because it is the closest energetic vibrational match to source. Therefore the creation of what it is that you want.

The more you operate at that frequency, the closer to source you are. This will make things faster to manifest for you in the physical world. It is not important to verbalize your appreciation but simply to offer it.

Appreciation is the antidote to some of the lowest forms of energy and emotions we are capable of shame, resentment, etc. By offering thanks and assuming that you already have what you seek, you immediately begin to attract more of it towards you, whether you have any of it or not.

Happiness is not pleasure

The experience of pleasure is a right now, in-the-moment, sensory-rich, and sights, sounds, and feelings experience in your person.

 

(TO BE CONTINUED)

Healing Abandonment & Abuse through Awareness (Part 2 of 2)

Do not miss out the first part.

 

Continuation:

When the abandoned child is feeling its pain and loss, the rest of the adult person is unable to find emotional balance. New skills are needed to help sort out the confusion, and to create new, healthier patterns.

Part of the healing may include grieving and anger, as those repressed feelings are released. But it is equally important to look at strengths: how well you are doing and what you want to contribute to the world as well as the positive side of parents and caretakers. Most people do the best they can.

Healing is a process of peeling the onion, so to speak. Revealing one layer after another, with time for rest and integration, leads to inner peace, resolution, and forgiveness.

Here are some suggestions:

1. Write about parallels between the past and the present. Become more aware of old patterns finding their way into your current life.

2. List all the ways you feel you were abandoned. Don’t worry if the list doesn’t make logical sense or is too long or short. Just write what you feel and remember.

3. Look at photographs of you and your family from those time periods as a way to help you remember details. Becoming more aware of the past can help you sort issues in the present.

4. Write an “unsent letter”—do not send it!—to your mother, telling her all the ways you appreciated her.
5. Now write an “unsent letter” listing the ways she let you down. DO NOT send unsent letters in the exercise—these are just ways for you to help yourself to heal.

Do the same for your father.

1. Write about your intentions for today, this week—what do you want to change? What are you goals in your life now?

2. What are you doing well now, and how is it different and better than what you or your family might have done in the past?

3. What are your strengths? Name 10 things your friends would say are your best traits.

4. Write about how you are your best friend. How you take care of yourself and like yourself.

 

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Healing Abandonment & Abuse through Awareness (Part 1 of 2)

 

Many people I work with in therapy or in my writing-as-healing classes discover stories that surprise them—stories about the mistakes they felt their parents made, power imbalances in the family, or stories about physical or sexual abuse.

The darker stories are often a surprise. When writers sat down to write, those issues were not directly on their minds, but deep, revealing stories erupted from the pen. Though they were unexpected, for some they were a relief.

People who have been in therapy have had the same kind of experience—the subject matter in the forefront of the mind is not the material that “accidentally” arises during the session.

The therapy session begins with a particular subject in the present—for example dissatisfaction at work or trouble in a relationship, but often travels back in time with associations to parents, school, or past relationships.

It has become a cliché to talk about “dysfunctional” relationships and families, but most people do not have perfect families, and many have had to struggle with a range of problems—alcoholism, abuse—physical, sexual, or emotional, eating disorders, and depression, to name a few.

No one likes to be reminded of the past but when it keeps coming up, we are pushed to learn new responses as we search for more peace and positivism in our lives.

 

The past is not dead—it’s not even past.

-William Faulkner

Different kinds of abandonment

For people who have been abandoned, either literally by actual physical absence, or emotionally. A parent can be in the home and not there for us. The abandoned child syndrome may remain years later, showing up through insecurities and fears. Clinging behaviors or its opposite—walls to intimacy.

The abandoned child inside the adult can create havoc such as alcohol abuse, repeating their own abandonment by abandoning children, or refusal to have children out of fear of repetition. Depression, lack of energy and creativity, anger, and trying to fill up the emptiness may be manifestations of these issues.

 

Continue reading the last part.

Journey To The Top (Part 3 of 3)

Do not miss the first and second part.

 

Continuation:

Promote teamwork

The person at the top understand that work gets done through teamwork. Functional silos and communication barriers kill efficiency and productivity. Therefore, learn to involve others in finding solutions to get things done! Last thing you want in your path to excellence is enemies – this in no ways means that you please everyone. By helping others achieve their goals, you will get cooperation from them In your own success.

Remember the story of the hare and tortoise? The message was ‘slow and steady wins the race’. Some years back I read another version*. Moral of the new story is that if we work together, combine energies, a much greater and better result can be achieved. Even when eating food (assuming you eat with fingers) you need to use all your four fingers and your thumb, and they are all of different sizes.

Fairness in your approach with team players discourages biasness. Bosses are there not because they are technically more competent, but because they understand how to work with people and know the art of unleashing human genius by being fair and firm. That is leadership. To get to the top_ appreciate others’ contribution, and when necessary, hold people to account.

Coach yourself

We often hear that managers need to be coaches. But who coaches the top? You often find people down the line blaming their seniors for not developing them. Change this paradigm. Learning is all around you. Be connected. There are people around you who are your biggest coaches. People at the top visibly have no coaches, but use people around them as their coaches. Successful executives listen, observe, feel, sense, evaluate and talk to all kinds of people. They learn from every interaction thereby making effective decisions.

Getting to the top is an aspiration – but requires plenty of perspiration. It is not always as sweet as it looks on the top. It takes great responsibility to be at the helm of affairs – be aware of what you wish for and prepare yourself at every point along the way.

In case you are at the top, sit with your team members/direct reports and clarify what you expect from them and how this essay could be a document for commencing a dialogue on succession planning and management development in your organization.

So you want to get to the top?

 

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